Biblical Marriage
“Therefore a man, leaving his father and mother, and having cleaved to his wife, they are one flesh. ” Genesis 2:24
Right after Creation God gave an edict to what is truly biblical marriage.
“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the Word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. For this, a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and the two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she reverence her husband. ” Ephesians 5:22-33
Taken from the VW website:
” Husbands Toward their Wives “
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her…so husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself…[and] nourishes and cherishes it…a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.(~Eph5:25-31)
“..let a man have his own wife..let the husband render to his wife the affection due her..the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does…” (~1Cor7:2-5)
“…love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.” (Col3:19)
Since God created man first, let’s begin with the husband.
“Husbands, likewise, dwell with [your wife] with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers be not hindered.” (1Pet3:7)
Down through the millennia the war has raged. Adam started it with, “The woman [allured me, and I did it.]”(Gen3:12) And so then, among other things, God cursed womanhood with “[the man] shall rule over you.”(vs16) And if we understand “your desire shall be for your husband” ..to include.. “desire” to usurp and circumvent the man’s authority; we have the beginnings and basis for essentially all the ills in marriages. The war of the sexes.
How have men behaved? In ancient/primitive cultures women were relegated to little more than “property” to be bought and sold. Often abused. In more civilized cultures, women, still, are considered “inferior” to men. Women have responded with deception and intrigue to get their own way.
And now, in the last century, they have said, “Enough is enough!! We don’t need the man!” Sit-coms depict the Al Bundy’s, etc. who are just not very adept; or are surly, bumbling idiots. Commercials reject things designed “by a maaan!” introduce things “by women, for women” because “only a woman can truly understand a woman’s needs.” As the rebellion reaches new depths.
Self-righteous “christians” will quote “..the head of woman is man..”(1Cor11:3) and go on their rampage against feminism and equal rights; forgetting Paul’s [other] words, “..there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”(Gal3:28) To God, men and women are equally important.
Husbands, love your wives. How? As Christ loved the church. How did Christ love the church? He gave Himself. He died. He gave all that He had. So, do you see that a 50/50 relationship does not work? Husband, give 100% to your wife. If you give only 50%, that means you are keeping 50% for yourself.
The way you nourish yourself…give the same care and attention to your wife. Do you have spiritual needs? Understand that she has them, too. Do you want certain things for your comfort. She does, too. Do you enjoy seeing her look pretty? Don’t be a slob, yourself. Do you like certain types of recreation? Realize that she has things she’d dearly love to have you share in with her. Do you have deep-seated fears that nobody else knows, but you wish you could trust somebody with them? Yes. She’s got them, too.
Some of these things you used to talk with your mother or father about. But now you have a wife. Talk with her. While you were growing up, you “obey[ed] your parents.”(Eph6:1) But now, as an adult who is married, you “leave father and mother and cleave to your wife.”(Gen2:24) The word “leave” means to “forsake, depart from, abandon, desert.” (Not to be confused with “honor”, which continues Eph6:2) “Cleave/joined” means to “cling to, stay with, keep close.”
You used to be part of your parents’ household. But now you have your own family…with your “own” wife. Thus, if your mother comes and tries to tell your wife how to be, stand up for your wife, and in an honorable way, tell your mother to “get lost.” If your parents threaten abandonment as a result of your “rebuffs” …you’re supposed to leave them anyway. So let them be however they choose to be. But, stick up for your wife. She is your other half now. Remember “two become one flesh.” Your wife is now “part of” you. Next to God, she is your number one priority!
Husband (singular) love your “own” wife (singular). No longer are you free to see what “choices” there may be. You made yours. Any past friends (options) are now history. And “give yourself” fully to your wife. You now “belong to” her. Don’t deprive her of her needs & desires.
Another interesting comment Paul makes. “Don’t be bitter” against her. What reasons might there be for bitterness? Adam was obviously bitter. “The woman…made me do it.” Adam was “seduced.”
Are there any feelings that you might have been “seduced” in whatever manner, and then you got married? And now you feel you are “stuck with” her? Well, it’s a two-way street isn’t it! Whatever her allure might have been, you “wanted it” at the time didn’t you. If your motives were initially impure, you brought it on yourself. James says, “each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his [OWN] desires and enticed.”(Jas1:14) But Paul writes, “do not be bitter.” Realize what happened, repent of your own heart motives, and now realize where you are, and make a life of it. After all, if something attracted you to her in the first place, she must not be all that bad! Right?
Finally, “honor” your wife. After being married a while, the light flashes on one day, and you realize the true picture as the “honeymoon wears off.” You are imbued with “understanding.” You realize your own failings. You understand your wife’s. Where you thought you were attracted to this “tower of strength” as she seemed at first unapproachable, and then awesomely wonderful; now you realize that, like you, she is human. She has many of the same frailties you have. The same fears; only hers are greater because she is a creature of “emotion” and you are more analytical and able to see things more clearly. (Supposedly) Where at one time she seemed so “confident,” now you see a person who needs your strength.
You see, God made us this way. He made the woman to be a “help” to the man. (Gen2:18) Mutually complementary. She isn’t supposed to be like you. She wasn’t designed that way. So don’t moan with Prof. Higgins, “why can’t a woman be more like a man!” She never will be.
Peter writes of the wife as the “weaker vessel.” Space won’t permit any details here. But remember it. You can think of many ways in which this is true. Because of this, “honor” her with more care. The “weaker parts are necessary.” You need her..and as such give her MORE honor.(1Cor12:22-23)
Remember that she is a “fellow-heir” with you, of God’s promises. God has given her into your hands. You are spiritually responsible for her because she is under your headship.(Nu30,1Cor11:3) So, as you deal with your own Christian life, you now also must consider hers, and how to strengthen and nurture her walk with the Lord.
If you do this, your (spiritual walk with God) will not be hindered. Your Christian life will be fruitful.
Amen!
” Wives Toward their Husbands “
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything…and let the wife see that she respects [reverences] her husband.” (Eph5:22- 24,33;Col3:18)
“Likewise you wives, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, as they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.” (~1Pet3:1-6)
I suppose we could introduce this topic by ranting and raving about the ills of our modern world; Women’s Lib, ERA, NOW, etc. We could talk about the epidemic nature of divorce as in many cases, women decide they “need to” be on their own, doing “their own” thing. We could talk about the abdication of responsibility for raising children, relegating them to daycare centers to be raised by NewAge strangers. And we could show from Scripture how these days were prophesied to be this way. But we’ve detailed these things more in other writings.
So, what IS a “proper wife?” A “Christian” wife? What is her heart/mind attitude towards God, her husband and children? What does Scripture teach?
First of all, she is to be submissive to her OWN husband. There are some cult-like churches that subject all the women to the church male leadership. In the more bizarre cults, to the “single” male guru. But as Paul corrects left-overs of paganistic spirit-activities in the Corinthian church, he says the women should “ask their own husbands at home.”(1Cor14:35) In other words, as spiritual a place as “church” is, the wife’s submission is to her husband, and it is not the business of the church or pastor to interfere or tell the wife what she should do. When the husband “left his father and mother” to “cleave” to his wife, he became her head. The “two [became] one flesh.”(Eph5:31) She now belongs to him.
This concept has been so throughout human history. Under Moses’ law, the husband had “final say” regarding spiritual matters in regards to his wife and unmarried daughters. “Every vow and every binding oath to afflict her soul, her husband may confirm it..her husband may make it void.” (Nu30:13) Her husband is her “head.” “..the head of woman is man..”(1Cor11:3)
So, what IS “submission?” “To arrange under, to subordinate, to subject one’s self, to obey, to submit to one’s control.” A hierarchy of position. Not “importance.” In God’s eyes, the wife is “equal” with the man in respect to salvation.(Gal3:28) When there is a difference, yielding to the husband without quibbling, whining and nagging…nor complaining to everybody in sight about “how terrible and unreasonable” he is. When the husband commands, obey. And here’s the “scary” part..to be under his “control.” Whatever he dictates, to yield to it.
As we discovered last month, just as the husband is to be toward the wife as Christ is to the Church, so, the wife is to be to her husband as the Church is to Christ. “Now by this we know that we know him, if we keep His commandments.”(1Jn2:3) Get to know your husband. Keep his commandments. “For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments.” (5:3) Do you say you “love” your husband? ..keep his commands.
OK…now comes the really hard one. It’s easy to submit and obey when he’s being everything he should be, as we considered last month. However, what if your husband abuses you? Perhaps he is not a Christian. Or, he may be a terribly backslidden Christian. Or, he decides something which you “know” isn’t right, or that will get him and/or you into trouble. Perhaps he gets into a “drunk” and abuses you both verbally and physically? What does Scripture say about this?
When 1Pt3:1 says “likewise” be submissive, what does “likewise” refer to? When he wrote it, there was no “Ch-3” division in writing. It continued on from what he had been saying about “servants being submis- sive to [their] masters.”(2:18) He does not allow for “conditions” by which to be submissive. He says, “not only to the good and gentle, but also to the harsh.”(vs18)
In the culture in which Peter wrote this, the servant was, to many masters, merely “property.” As, for that matter, so were wives. This “property” could be treated in some most disgusting, inhumane ways. Beatings, tortures, captivity, deprivation of necessary food and water, dismemberment/s. Supposing you, dear reader, have suffered abuses, this description may help you realize that you don’t have it as bad as it could be. Even so, he says “Likewise, wives, be submissive.”
Peter goes into a description of what Christ endured for us (2:21- 24) as “an example, that you should follow His steps.” Jesus was pure. He did not lash out at His torturers. When He was cursed, did not reply in kind. Did not whine and threaten. But “committed Himself to Him [God] who judges righteously.” He died for our sins, and bore “stripes” [excruciating flogging] for us.
Why is the wife to be submissive in this way? Masochistic sadism? Hardly!! But that “even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives” as they see your life. While you may make yourself “pretty” for your husband with your makeup and dress, he needs to see the beauty of your heart. A “gentle, quiet spirit.”(3:4)
An example is given of Sarah. Abraham in lapsing faith asked her on a couple of occasions to claim to be his “sister” …in order to spare, what he thought would be a threat on his life because of her beauty. (Gen12:13;20:2) Yes, it is true. Abraham messed up, and he could have lost his wife to others who would have taken her. But Sarah obeyed, even to the point of being subject to defilement by another man. And what is the verdict? “Whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.”(vs6) He praised her for her submission/obedience, as she called her husband “lord.”
Paul writes, “let the wife see that she respects her husband.” “Respect” here includes “reverence and fear.” So, the ol’ boy is a total idiot and a real jerk. God calls you to respect him.
But what about “MY RIGHTS!” Self-respect and self-esteem! God does not call the godly woman to these things.(Phil2:5-8) We are servants of Christ. If you truly LOVE your husband, you will “also lay down [your life for your husband].”(1Jn3:16) God sent His Son to die.(Jn3:16) As God’s servant, your life is God’s on behalf of your husband. In submitting to your husband, you are submitting to Christ Who said, “whoever does not bear his cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple.”(Lk14:27)
“Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends [her husband].”(Jn15:13)
Amen!
In order to sum it up, we must not forget that as Christians we are in subjection to Christ. His edicts for how we are to treat our spouse are listed out in His Word. Not only that we are to be obedient to God and in doing so we should be able to take and behave accordingly to others as we are told to do so. What causes most marriage problems? Sin. In which case do you know that it is not both people sinning that creates such an unhappy situation? Does one really have greater fault then the other, we will each stand before the Most High.
